Helnwein working on Head of A Child 14. The eye. Just wow.
Settling down has always been an alien concept for me.
And it wasn’t an option. I could actually do anything except settling down. Sure, it seemed tempting at times to have that steady, calm feeling of having a place to come back to, a feeling I’ve experienced rarely in my life and only for seconds. It was entirely unappealing, though, to think about this: you buy a flat, promising yourself not to gather too many things. Then you need a nice comfy place to read in, so you buy a sofa or an armchair, and then you need a lamp too and it’s nice to get a warm breakfast in the morning so you get a microwave, and suddenly you find yourself with one hundred pieces of furniture you can’t even move on your own. And you’re stuck. Bound to a place. The sole thought of it was making me flinch.
But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately – since it’s become a threat – and I caught myself feeling no fear. I didn’t accept the possibility of imprisonment, I realised – acknowledged – that there is no risk of it. The future is still unpredictable, and having one constant does not change the fluctual nature of life, especially a constant as fragile and ephemeral as a human being. And, above all else, it does not mean settling down.
I think I’ve found a name for it, and it is belonging.
I belong with you.
the floor is a shelf for everything